Foundation Matters.

Last year, I had to have some foundation work done on my house. One hold side had sunk about one inch and the drop had created some cracks in the drywall inside. The crew came out to lift up the house back to level and for a few thousands bucks, everything was right again.

Our relationships with each other are so important. No earthly relationship more important than your marriage. So, building it on the right foundation will make all the difference when the storms of life come. Jesus knew that too and tells us in Matthew 7 about two home builders. One built on bedrock and the other on shifting sand. Storms came with rains, floods and wind. The house built on sand came crashing down.

The material we use to build our marriage is critical. Using the wrong materials will not allow us to withstand the storm. Some of the things that create storms in our marriage are the baggage we bring from past relationships or how we spend or save money or how we discipline the kids or our harsh tones or disrespect. But when we decide to offer mutual respect to each other and offer unconditional love to each other, we find the storms are more likely to be survivable.

See, the storm reveals what materials make up the house. Many times, we first worry about aesthetics in the house rather than the foundation. But Jesus uses the word “Moro” in Matthew 7 in the original language. “Moro” is where we get our English word, “Moron” from. If you don’t pay attention to the foundation your building, Jesus calls you a moron.

So, don’t put undo pressure on your spouse by expecting them to meet every need you have. No one was created to complete you. Like all things, time plus pressure equals a cracked foundation. Equally, don’t create moments where unreasonable disappointment will exists. When your spouse doesn’t live up to your expectations, you feel disappointed. Then, you’ll begin looking for someone else to make you “feel” like you hoped someone else would.

At the end of the day, no relationship will ever be as intimate, as deep, as close as you hoped for without Jesus Christ in the middle of it. So, start today making Jesus the priority in your relationship. It’s the most impactful thing you can do to create a long-lasting one. Also, start today praying together out loud while holding hands. Do this for two weeks and see the difference it makes in your relationship. Blessings on the journey.

Breaking Walls in Relationships.

Lawrence Ripple was tired of the nagging. He and Dori had been married 20 years. They lived in Kansas City in 2016 but the day came when he’d had enough. So he went downtown to a bank, handed a note to the teller. The note read, “Give me all your money. I have a gun.” So, the teller handed over about $2900. Lawrence then calmly sat down on a couch in the bank and began talking to the security guard until the police came.

The police arrested Lawrence but discovered he had no gun. When they asked Lawrence why he did it, he replied, “It was the only way to get away from my nagging wife.” Ironically when it came time for him to stand in front of the judge, she had the ability to give him 37 months in jail but, because she knew the reason for his action, instead, sentenced him to house arrest for six months.

I’ve heard from many, marriage can be like a ball and chain but it doesn’t have to be if we decide to enter into that relationship with the mind of Christ. By looking at the life of Christ, we discover that relationship requires sacrifice. Jesus reminds us of God’s intent for marriage in Mark 10 when he says, “a person leaves their mom and dad and is united with their spouse…” The word “united” in the original language means to “grab hold of and pursue with everything you have.” It’s the same type of language used in Deuteronomy as the book describes God’s love and relationship with us.

So, how do I pursue my spouse with everything I have? While no human relationship will ever be perfect, we can look at Jesus’ life as reflected in Philippians 2 to discover what sacrifice looks like. What we see is that Jesus’ love is filled with unselfish humility. There’s no easy hack for that…it’s just hard. Jesus left everything for you and me…he made himself nothing. How do you break down walls in your relationship? You make yourself nothing, considering others as more important than yourself.

And if we are going to look like Jesus in our relationship, you must give undeserved grace. Grace is what tore down the wall between you and God. So, we look to text like Ephesians 4:32 for guidance where Paul says, “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Or 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul reminds us that love doesn’t keep record of wrongs. You want to tear down the walls, don’t keep a record of wrong but extend undeserved grace.

And finally, find the most generous explanation for your spouse’s behavior, then believe it. We should believe that the one to whom we said, “I do”, is good-willed and has good intentions. Now that doesn’t mean we put off working on things or put off difficult conversations but in your heart, we are believing they really mean well.

As believers in Jesus, we should be the best people in the world to practice this idea. So that’s the challenge, lean into your marriage and take on the personality of Jesus Christ. Someone has to take the first step in your relationship to show Jesus, why not you? You’ve got this. And He’s got you. Blessings on your journey.

A Little Love & Respect.

Ephesians 5 is one of the most difficult passages for most married people to take in. We can read it and nod our heads and say, “That’s so nice!” but then walk away with absolutely no way to apply it.  In fact, Ephesians 5 often causes our old Adam to well up in the worst of ways, pointing fingers at ways our spouse fails us daily or, in worst cases, ending marriages in the heartache and trauma of devaluing and abuse.  So we avoid it. We avoid reading it; we avoid discussing it; and we hope and pray that our pastor doesn’t preach about it on Sunday.  

But Ephesians 5 has all we need to know to have a marriage that thrives. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not talking about a marriage that’s any easier than your neighbors’, or a marriage that’s “happier” or more “successful.” I’m talking about a marriage that’s fulfilling through the hard work and effort of each spouse. A marriage guided by the Spirit, struggling in the day-to-day, and finding joy in the journey together.

Ephesians 5 presents two ingredients: 1) husbands love your wives, and 2) wives respect your husbands. Easier said than done. God intends each person to contribute, but He gave us the Holy Spirit, and a lot of love and grace and forgiveness to fill in the gaps where we live as sinner and saint. So, let’s agree to discuss it. Let’s digest even a tiny bit of what love and respect might look like in this small space of the Internet.

1. Assume the best in your spouse. This underlies everything in your marriage. Do you believe that your spouse has your best interests in mind? Do you believe God has your best interest in mind? We trust in God because He is God and He is perfect. We also trust in Him because we know Him and know that He has our best interest in mind. Who is our next closest relationship? Who do we know so deeply that we have committed a lifetime to getting to know every tiny piece of him or her? Our spouse. When frustration and hurt begin to well up in an argument or circumstance we can put the best perspective on what our spouse is saying and doing because we believe in this person as a complete partner in the relationship, as someone with our best interest in mind.

2. Talk nicely. It sounds simplistic, but the tongue really gets us into so much trouble. The Bible addresses this over and over. We tend to reserve our patient tongues, our reserved tongues for those outside of our home, and let the wagging and lashing flow where we are most comfortable. The problem is that this leaves our spouse feeling undervalued and disrespected, unloved. God created the second chance, the rephrase, to show care and concern for those closest to us.

Husbands loving their wives. Wives respecting their husbands. Christ doing all of it in us, showing a weary world through our little marriage just who He really is.  It’s not easy, but He’s always worth it. Blessings on the journey.

Laying Bricks in Relationship.

According to several articles, the most romantic line from a romantic movie is from “Jerry McGuire” where Tom Cruise tells Rene Zellwigger, “You complete me.” But the truth is, no one on the earth was created to complete you. No one was created to make you happy. No one was created to bring you real joy. The only person to ever live to do all of that was Jesus Christ.

However, when we date or marry, we end up bringing things into our relationship that can hinder intimacy. Some things we are aware of and others are hidden. Tim Keller said, “Marriage has a way of introducing you to yourself.” That is so true. I want to briefly talk about 6 things we bring that can harm our relationship if we are unaware they exist.

Almost always, we bring in unrealistic expectations. We believe we should not have to work at our marriage. I think I should always feel in love. We falsely believe we should not have problems we can’t solve. John Gottman’s research tells us that 69% of issues in marriage will never be resolved. Things like personality differences, libido differences, financial stresses or in-law stress all take more than one conversation to resolve.

We also underestimate our differences. Some of us are night owls while our partners are early risers. Some of us are extroverted while our spouse is an introvert. Some of those differences came out of our house of origin. So, your dad fixed everything in the house but your husband, not so much. Your mom always had dinner on the table by 5:30pm but you find yourself helping cook dinner.

At times, we have unmet needs. As humans, we have a need to feel protected and provided for. We have sexual needs and emotional needs. Rather than asking why our spouse is not meeting our needs, we should be asking how we can better meet our spouse’s needs. If we both ask that question, we’ll both be taken care of.

You might bring unresolved anger into your relationship. Maybe you have never worked through the challenges your parents laid on you or that sibling rilvary. You may have unresolved issues that happened to you as a young child and you’ve never gotten counseling. Because you’ve not worked through these issues, you answer your spouse with defensiveness and harsh tones. It’s hard to have intimacy when anger is present.

You could have helicopter parents. Even in your adulthood, you seek out their input over your spouse’s. When there’s an argument, you call dad/mom because you know they always think of you as their little one and will take your side no matter. But parents, if this is you, it’s time to let go so that your kids can mature, grow, and learn, discovering who they are as a married couple.

Finally there’s unrepentant sin. You have that secret sin compartmentalized and tucked away. As long as she doesn’t know, it will be alright. As long as he doesn’t find out, it will be fine. But sin in your life will always get in the way of intimacy. And not only intimacy with your spouse but your relationship with God as well.

So the challenge is to do two things. One, do some self-reflection and discover what you have brought into the relationship that you need to deal with. Second, pray out loud every night together for the next two weeks. It allows time for you to hear what’s on the heart of our spouse and begin breaking down the walls that have hindered intimacy. Blessings on the journey.

Knocking on Open Gates.

The first century church was up against it in Acts 11-12. There was a major famine going on in the Roman Empire and King Herod of Israel had begun a vicious persecution of the church, starting in Jerusalem. So what do we do when difficult times hit?

In Acts 12:5, we find the church gathered and praying fervently for the release of Peter, who has been imprisoned. The other piece is that we lean in to discern the voice of God in our lives. If we put these two things together in tandem, we will find we have opportunity to see God in action and follow his leading. However, when opportunity knocks, opposition is always at the door with it.

So we can learn some things about our spiritual journey by digging into the church’s and Peter’s decisions while he’s in prison in Acts 12. Peter is hours away from a very public trial and if it ends like James’, he will have his head cut off. But what is Peter doing the night before his trial? Acts 12:6 says that he’s sleeping. How in the world do you sleep on what could be the last night of your life?

Remember the story about Jesus, the disciples and a storm? It’s night time and all 13 are in a boat in the middle of Sea of Galilee. A massive storm pops up. The disciples are scared. They are bailing water from inside the boat. They are battening down the sails. They are rowing against the current, wind and rain. And while they are straining against the storm, Jesus is sleeping in the boat. Peter had seen what Jesus does when there’s a storm in your life. So Peter sleeps while Herod knocks on the door of his life.

We also see that obedience always comes before freedom. Freedom from knowing the outcome before you take the next step. Peter is asked by an angel while he’s in prison to get up and then the chains fall off. Most of us would still be sitting there because we want details before we even moved. But Peter, gets up and the chains fall off. He puts his clothes on. You see, that’s faith. Putting your clothes on before you know where you are going.

And then Peter and the angel get to the iron gate of the prison. God opens the gate miraculously and Peter and the angel walk through the gate. You know, God will do for you what you can’t do for yourself. But he won’t do for you what you should do for yourself. Notice the angel didn’t say “get on my back”, I’ll carry you. No. They both walked through the gate. Sometimes, you just have to walk through it…the storm in your life.

So what do we discover in Acts 12 about our spiritual journey. One: there is real power in prayer. The church collectively gathered to pray Peter out of prison. Two: there is freedom in obedience. When we obey God’s calling, even when we can’t see the next step, we find freedom from the prison we are in. And finally: you have the peace the passes all understanding from deep faith in our incredible God.

Power, freedom, and peace are all available but only if you say “yes” to Jesus. Make him Lord of your life. It’s time to get up and leave the prison that’s been your home. Walk through the gate and find everything you’ve been looking for. Blessings on your journey.

Can I Make a Difference?

We’ve all had moments in our lives when we said something like…”More than anything else, I want to _______.” For each of us it’s something different. I wanted to walk on to a University football team in Arkansas in 1986, but once this 140 pound dude saw that the biggest guys on the team could run as fast as him, I decided my football playing days were over. The window had closed on my opportunity to play.

If we aren’t careful we can think like that as well when it comes to our spiritual journey. Take a look at the Apostle Paul in the New Testament. In Acts 7-9, we read about a guy named Saul (who later will be renamed Paul) who is killing Christ-followers. He feels compelled to dismantle the church and erase the Name of Jesus from every mouth in Israel. But Paul has an experience with Jesus on the road to Damascus to arrest Christians and his life is changed forever. He turns into the most prominent Christian in church history.

If we listen to what our enemy thinks about us and not to what God has said about us, we can say we missed our chance to be a participant in the story of God. We can become a spectator rather than a participant. The great thing about God is no matter how young or old you are, God will use you in his story. No matter your skin color and the size of your bank account, God will use you in his story.

Sometimes we listen to those who’ve known us well. The voices tell us that we’ve ruined our reputation because of past choices so God could not possibly use us. We might say, after my abortion or divorce or addiction or issues with lust and pride, God doesn’t want to use me. But the very thing you believe is keeping you from God’s story is the very thing He will use in his story to draw others to him.

Sometimes we don’t participate because we don’t know where to start. We don’t do anything because we don’t know what to do. We see others are great speakers or terrific leaders of women. Some are great teachers or singers. We compare ourselves to others and disqualify ourselves. But we are called to use any gift or talent we have to the glory of God.

As we reflect on what we are doing in Kingdom work, I reflect on Paul. He was the ISIS of his day, killing people who loved Jesus. I think if God can use a man like Paul, He can use me in his story too. So know the widow is not closed on your usefulness. You have not done anything in your past to disqualify you from being in God’s story. You have more to offer in Kingdom work than you realize. So, get busy. It’s time to make a difference. Do something. Realize the time we’ve been given to share Jesus is really short. You can do this. He has got you. Blessings on the journey.

Be Bold.

No question you and I have done things in bold fashion before but then decided later to be quiet about it. Maybe it was kissing that one girl in high school or toilet papering the principle’s house or stealing something from grandma. We were bold in the moment but reserved afterwards.

My prayer is that, as followers of Jesus, we will be bold everyday about who Jesus is and what he has done for us in our lives. I’d hope Jesus was so impactful in our lives that we just couldn't stop talking about him and what he’s done and how our lives are so much better with him.

That’s what happened in Acts 3-4 with Peter and John. They had healed a crippled man in Jerusalem but then were arrested for it. They spent the night in jail for talking about Jesus. But we all realize, you can try to silence people but you’ll never quiet the gospel of Jesus Christ!

The morning after Peter and John’s arrest, they are standing before the entire weight of the religious and civil authorities of the entire Israel nation. They are being asked by what power and who’s name have you healed this cripple man? Peter replies, “The Powerful Name of Jesus.”

Paul tells us in Colossians 1:15-18, Jesus is so powerful that everything we know about and don’t know about was made through Jesus and for Jesus. That it’s Jesus that holds together the entirety of the cosmos. That’s the Savior we serve and love. He’s our brother and our Lord.

The Gospel continues to mesmerize the world. The Bible continues to be the number one selling book of all time. See, trying to stop the gospel story is like trying to stop a California wildfire with a water gun. It just is not going to happen.

Peter and John encourage us with their boldness in Acts 4:19-20 when they say no matter what the authorities do, they can never stop talking about what they have seen and heard. They will always talk about Jesus.

Some questions we might ask ourselves right now are: What would give God the glory in my life right now? What should I be doing with my talents and giftedness right now? How can I represent Jesus in my workplace, my friend group, my family? How do I retrain myself to be vocal about Jesus everyday, not just on Sunday?

I also love the encouragement thrown our way in Acts 4:13. It says those who were in power recognized that Peter and John were ordinary men but had been with Jesus. See, that’s me and you. We are ordinary people. You don’t have to be a preacher or pastor. You don’t need a seminary education. You don’t have to be eloquent of speech. God uses ordinary people like me and you to tell the incredible story of Jesus.

And when you say “yes” to Jesus, you realize that Jesus changes everything. He infuses you with his Spirit, his power, his mission. So be bold this year. Create change. Stand out. Cultivate something new. You can do this. You’re on mission…speak loudly. Blessings on the journey.

Real Life.

COVID has really hampered our getting together. Whether you are talking about family traditions, hanging out with friends, seeing your favorite movie, gathering with your church…everything has been hampered by the almost 2-year pandemic which is ongoing. But we were headed to isolation before the virus ever showed up.

When air conditioning was invented, we moved from the front porch into the house. Then we added the attached garage and garage door opener so we never had to get out of our car before entering our house. Then we fenced the back yard so we didn’t have to look at our neighbors.

With technology coming on in the last two decades, we found new ways to isolate ourselves using voicemail on our cell phones so we didn’t have to answer the phone to ordering online and having groceries delivered to our door to social media where we connect virtually with our “friends”. But we are not created to live in isolation.

The first century church showed us how disciples of Jesus live life together. They realized they could not do life alone and literally hung out together all the time. Read Luke’s account in Acts 2:42-47 and you’ll see what it looked like. They ate together and were in each other’s homes. They went to the market together and to church together. They shared everything they owned and met every day to check on each other. That’s the kind of family we have been born into if you follow Jesus.

See, we live in a country that highly values independence. To be a follower of Jesus is to be the direct opposite of that. Following Jesus is recognizing you must be dependent on Jesus for your salvation and dependent on each other for family and support.

We are called to share the love of Jesus with others in our church and with committed people in community. The writer of Hebrews in chapter 10 calls us to “spur each other on to love and good works, not forsaking getting together to do that.” Being together is so powerful. Presence matters to worship together, to do life together.

And we gain power through the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit but also by journeying together in small groups. Some of those are small Bible study groups or prayer groups that meet outside of the Sunday morning event. Some of those groups are even smaller groups of followers that hold each other accountable in our life choices.

So the challenge is to lean into how Jesus called us to live. Live out loud together. Make a commitment to be a part of spiritual family. Find others on the journey who will partner with you to study and pray. We’ll have to be purposeful and intentional. It won’t happen on it’s own. We are better together with Jesus in our life and each other in our company. Blessings on the journey.

It's Go Time.

I know I’m giving it away but when my wife and I are at a party or gathering and I’m ready to go, I tug on my left ear lobe. Upon seeing me, she, then, knows I feel it’s time to go. Now, that doesn’t mean we are leaving because she may not be done socializing. But nonetheless, she knows I have had my fill.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 28 to “go”. “Go into all the world…making disciples”. He tells them to “go”. And in Acts 1 just before Jesus ascends into Heaven, he tells them again, that they will be his witnesses in “Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth.” Jesus is telling us one of our mandates is to go and be a witness for the story of Jesus. Tell people and show people what Jesus has done for us. But the world is a huge place so where do we begin? We start by asking a series of questions.

Who lives with you? When Andrew finds Jesus and knows he’s the Messiah, Andrew goes to find his brother, Peter (John 1:40ff), who will later become foundational in the early church. We first go to the people we live with and call family. So, start where you are planted. We are called to tell our children about Jesus and teach them the Jesus’ way of life. We are called to journey with our spouse and daily tell the story. We have extended family members we love who need to hear from you how Jesus has changed your life. Ask, who lives with me?

Secondly, ask who lives near you? Those living near you include those in your cul-de-sac or on your street. But it also includes those with whom you attend church. We are called to make time for those with whom we do life. So get involved in a ministry like teaching kids about Jesus in a Sunday morning class or leading a small group in your youth group. Get involved on your praise team or in the sound booth. Be a real friend to your neighbors by helping out when they are down and out. Extend hospitality to those around you so they see Jesus in you.

Finally, ask who lives in you? Paul reminds us in Romans 8:11, “That the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is the same Spirit that lives in you!” You will not be “going” on your own. Jesus will always be with you. That’s what he said in Matthew 28:20. He tells us to go and he’ll be with us. So don’t be afraid. God’s got this. He’s with you.

So it’s time to shed the “personal space” mentality. It’s time to look around instead of down at our phone. It’s time to create a space of sharing and inclusion. It’s time to go and be a witness for the one who gave you everything…and made you the best version of yourself you could ever be. Blessings on the journey.

Faithfulness All Year Long.

Right now is the season when we talk about being joyful and triumphant. It’s a time of celebration and festivities. It’s a time to reconnect with old friends and close family members. It’s supposed to be an exciting time of fun and excited anticipation. But not everyone is joyful and triumphant this time of year.

Some of us are working through depression and anxiety. Some are trying to mend broken relationships. Some are feeling the weight of a difficult marriage. Others are praying for their adult children who do not have a relationship with God. All of us are dealing with the pressures of work and a busy calendar. But you know, Jesus doesn’t call the joyful or the triumphant.

Jesus calls those who are weary and burdened (see Matthew 11:28-29). He also beckons those who know they need salvation (Matthew 9:12-13). There are moments when we’ve tried everything to make it work or heal the relationship only to discover after long nights that we really need Jesus. And Jesus invites those of us who are tired and worn out to follow him. But if he calls us in that state, he doesn’t leave us there.

You see, Jesus helps us become more faithful. The writer of Hebrews in chapter 12 calls us to fix our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfecter of our faith. When life happens. When darkness looms large. When we feel hopeless, we fix our eyes on Jesus who will lead us to our salvation. He is a faithful God. He will lead us through the deep water, the fire, the uncertainty (Isaiah 43:2-3).

Jesus also helps us become more joyful. His spirit living in us is what produces the love, peace and joy we desperately need right now. And know, joy and happiness, are worlds apart. See, happiness is determined by the happenings around me while my joy comes from Jesus. I can be upset about a relationship. I can be put off by what’s happening in the world. I can be crest-fallen by my work place. But joy never goes away because of Jesus.

Jesus also helps me become more triumphant. You see, the Living God has my back. Simply read Isaiah 9:6-7 to be reminded that we serve an incredible Savior. His story reveals his journey from a manger to a throne. That baby lying in a manger is the Lord of lords and King of kings. He’s the light of the world. He was born the King of angels…He is Christ the Lord.

This season is about gone but the faithfulness of God will never leave. He calls us to be faithful all year long as well. That’s the challenge: tell the story of our incredible Savior all year long. He gives us the faith we need; plants joy in our hearts; Jesus story is one of triumph. Blessings on the journey.