The Value of True Friendship.

A lot has been said about friends and friendship over the years: “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” (Bernard Meltzer), “Friendship is accepting a person with all their qualities – good and bad,” (Mohanla) and “Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” (Ed Cunningham) But perhaps the words that come closest to the truth are those spoken by William Temple: “The greatest medicine is a true friend.”

In all my years of living and doing ministry among families, I found that as people grow older, their friendships play an increasingly greater role in determining their health and wellbeing. You can see it play out with folks who choose to isolate themselves or choose to get involved in the lives of the people they interact with every single day.

As I have considered how important it is to be with people, here are three easy ways to nurture your most valuable friendships.

Put time and energy into them.

It’s very easy in today’s tech-driven world to sit back and let Facebook and other social media platforms manage your friendships for you. But the truth is that no number of likes can exceed the importance of face-to-face time with a friend. So, make it a priority to spend time with your friends whether you decide to meet up for a walk, go out for a meal together, meet up for a cup of coffee or have a regular game night at your house

Listen more than you speak.

While friendships are definitely a two-way street, good friends understand the value of putting others first, so before you rush in and download your long list of news, take the time to listen instead – it’ll build a stronger connection.

Be open and honest.

Honestly is always the best policy and even more so when it comes to your friendships as being honest with someone builds trust and trust is the foundation of all successful relationships. Just remember: When you’re being honest with friends, take a gentle approach – you don’t want to end up causing permanent damage to your friendship.

Being with other people is a part of the Christian walk. You cannot look like Jesus and decide you don’t like people. So get out of your comfort zone. Let those in your life you value know you care about them. Blessings on the journey.

What to Do with Controlling People.

There always seem to be people in our lives that are EGRs (extra grace required). As disciples of Jesus, we are called to love people…not just a few but everyone. So how in the world do we love people who are difficult to love?

The story in Matthew 16 shows us how Jesus handles people who are trying to control him. No doubt, you have people in your life who try to control you as well. So it seems important as believers that we look at how Jesus handled these types of difficult people.

So in Matthew 16, Jesus is telling the disciples how he will suffer in Jerusalem and die. But that he will be raised and conquer death on the third day. Then Peter tells Jesus, “no way will this happen if I can help it.” Jesus has revealed what God’s will is and Peter is looking at the situation through human eyes and wanting to control the situation.

How do we love those who want to control us?

First, know what you are called to do. Jesus knew this. He said repeatedly, he’d come to seek and save the lost. His calling and purpose was clear to him. You too have been called to live a holy, set apart life for God’s glory. You may feel called into a certain career or relationship and that could be true. But if you are not living into those areas of life understanding how you’re called to look like Jesus, then you are not living into your calling. Know how you’re called to live.

Second, know when someone is trying to control you. It’s what’s happening in our story. Jesus says God is calling him to die for humanity but Peter is saying, “No, no, no.” Earlier in Matthew 16, Peter had just won “Jesus Jeopardy” by stating Jesus was the Son of God. But in the next moment, he’s putting his plans ahead of God’s plans. Know when someone is trying to control you.

Finally, know when to draw a line in the sand. This is the hardest thing to do. We generally love and care for the people who seem to want to control us. But if someone is calling you to idolize their opinion and what they think over what God’s called you to do, it’s time to draw the line.

So if you don’t like a relationship you have that seems controlling, change what you expect and what you accept. Jesus told Peter he wouldn’t let Peter talk to him like that…it was inappropriate. And in your life you may have to say, “I care about you but I’m not letting you speak to me like that again.” Or “I love you but I’m not bailing you out again.” Or “I love you deeply but you can’t yell at me.”

What will happen when you do this? The controller will rear up, get loud and double down on their threat. It will be a difficult moment. It will hurt in the moment but it hurts everyday you live in a dysfunctional relationship. And once you realize you don’t have the power to control and God does, things will change for you.

Essentially, Jesus is saying in Matthew 16, if you want to follow me, you’ll never be in control again. Control belongs to God. Know what you want out of the relationship and create it like you know it should be. It won’t be easy but it will be healthier. Blessings on the journey.