When you’re dating it seems many times, opposite attract. However after years of being together in marriage, those same qualities can attack. Maybe you started out by talking about how laid back they were but now, they are lazy. Or how put together they are and organized but now they are so controlling. The same characteristics that seem to attract now attack.
God uses our differences to enhance our marriage but Satan can use those differences to tear us apart, especially if we are not intentional about some priorities we’ve set for our marriage.
First, we must make God our ONE and our spouse our TWO. If we set this as the priority in our life, everything else will follow. Now, we are still going to disagree and have conflict. We are not going to see eye to eye on every issue. There may be days that you just need some distance to reset but if we make God our priority, we’ll always come at our partnership selflessly.
We also have to pursue our two and state daily in words and action that marriage is about “we”, not “me”.
What we must realize is our marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Here’s the difference. A contract is based on mutual distrust. It’s the idea that I’m in this as far as you are in. I don’t trust you enough so I want you to sign a piece of paper to promise me you’ll do what you say you’ll do.
A covenant is based on mutual commitment. Go to Genesis 15 when God cuts a covenant with Abram. He doesn’t have any kids yet but God says he’ll have more kids than the stars in the sky and the world will be blessed through his lineage (a foreshadowing of Jesus). God makes a promise, more than a contract, to Abram. It’s serious stuff.
So in our marriages we say “for better or worse…until death do us part”. However, many times at the first difficult season, we part ways and say good bye. If we are truly making our life based on our love for Jesus and following his character, then we’ll follow biblical examples of healthy marriage.
Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:21-33 what a healthy marriage looks like. He reminds us a covenant partnership is Godly leadership and mutual submission. Now that doesn’t mean ordering someone around and demeaning a spouse. Paul calls us to mutual submission and to husbands to love our wives like Jesus loves the church…to the extent we’d give our lives selflessly for her.
Paul reminds us of the key in Ephesians 5:33, “the husband loves his wife and the wife respects her husband.” The more I truly love my wife, the more she will respect my position as the spiritual lead in the family. The more she respects me as a man of God, the more I am compelled to love her in multiple ways. It’s a beautiful cycle once you get it moving in the right direction.
So, who begins? The one that’s more mature. Your marriage will be as good as both of you decide it will be. You can only change you so why not begin today? Loving your spouse; being committed to your promise; deciding to change for the better…these are all choices you must make daily. Every morning I put my feet on the floor I make a choice: “Today, I’m going to honor my wife. Today, I’m going to live for Jesus.”
The marriage journey is a fantastic one to take. There are ups and downs. But nothing is more rewarding than pouring into your TWO and having a life-partner you can fully depend on and love. Enjoy the journey. My hope and prayer is God will bless you in so many ways.