We’ve all had dreams from an early age of what marriage might be like. For the girls, their guy would be dashing, Prince Charming, sweep you off your feet, a solid job, lots of travel. The dream of a husband would be robust and full. For guys, it would be get married and be intimate with your wife twice a day. And how many of us on both sides are still dreaming?
I’ve counseled many before marriage and couples that have been in crisis and what I’ve found more times than not is their priorities are out of sync. We believe we must find the one who will be everything we are not and fulfill all my life hopes. The trouble is, there is no one in all creation who can or will do that for you. The only one who can do that is God and I don’t know anyone human by that name. So, creating the reality of how things should be in our marriages is…
God is your ONE and your spouse is your TWO. That’s what Jesus says in Mark 12:30-31. “Love God and love people.” As a Christ-follower, we say “I’ll seek the one while preparing for my two.”
In Genesis 2:24, we are reminded we grow up clinging to our parents. But once you’ve discovered your two, you leave your parents and start building a life with the person you’ve chosen to serve God with your whole life. Once you get the priorities in position you’ll discover life is so much easier. Now it’s not to say there aren’t hiccups along the way. Life does happen as they say and there are adjustments to living. But when you have God as your ONE then everything becomes so much clearer.
A second thing we must remember is to protect those priorities. If you’re having difficulty in your marriage right now, it’s more than likely you have your priorities out of whack. One way my wife, Robin, and I have discovered to make sure we keep priorities is to serve God together.
We were in youth ministry together for 20 years and she brought so much to the table helping me with those teens and parents. We have been on many short term mission trips together. It makes me so proud to know I’m married to a woman who wants to put God first.
If your married with kids, remember kids are a temporary assignment. Sure, you’ll be parents your whole life but you’ve really got them for 18-19 years before they graduate and move out. You launch them to go serve God and find their two. But marriage is until death do you part. Don’t ever put your kids as a priority above your marriage. If you do, once the kids leave home, you’ll be sitting at a dining room table wondering who the person is that is sitting across from you.
Can I speak to the men for a moment? You are called to lead in your home. Not be a dictator. Not use power to lord your decision making. You join with your wife and love her like Jesus loved the church (Eph. 5:25). But you as father and husband who is a believer in Jesus Christ, you decide you’re going to be a family who is plugged in at church, who is serving together, who creates the date night for you and your wife, who show your kids what it looks like to be affectionate toward your wife, to join in community and get involved in a connect or small group. You give yourself to Jesus then give yourself to your family.
Make sure God is your ONE and your spouse is your TWO. You’ll find life and the journey that much sweeter and easier. Blessings on that journey.